《Bonded by Evolution》一书由Paul Eastwick著，352页，定价$32（Crown）与£22（Cornerstone）；《The Intimate Animal》由Justin Garcia著，272页，定价$30（Little, Brown Spark）与£20（Penguin Life），两书都把现代求偶与进化心理及技术变化的张力联系起来。它们把过去约400万年中两次最大求偶变革标为：约12,000年前农业的出现，以及1990年代互联网的扩散。
所描述的“亲密危机”以关键比例呈现：全球每4人中就有1人孤独，而一项美国调查显示98%的人认为良好、亲密的关系是满意生活的关键要素。与“几打人”的狩猎采集群体相比，智能手机上的“无尽”陌生人选择促使人们依赖筛选条件，但典型应用用户每天会花90分钟滑动浏览，且使用者中有一半女性报告遭到骚扰。
选择差异被量化为线上更极端：在速配面对面交谈后，女性同意第二次约会的比例低于男性（35%对50%），而在只有照片与文字的约会应用上，女性向右滑的比例更低（5%对50%）。两位作者给出的策略强调更快获取更有信息量的线索（如先视频聊天）、更少但更投入地约会、拿不准就去第二次但到第三次为止（此后“点击”的概率相对较小），并把时间从手机转回现实世界的混合性别社交网络。
Bonded by Evolution by Paul Eastwick is 352 pages and priced at $32 (Crown) and £22 (Cornerstone), while The Intimate Animal by Justin Garcia is 272 pages and priced at $30 (Little, Brown Spark) and £20 (Penguin Life), and both frame modern dating as an evolutionary mismatch intensified by technology. They single out two biggest courtship shifts across roughly 4m years: farming about 12,000 years ago and the internet’s spread in the 1990s.
The “intimacy crisis” is quantified as 1 in 4 people globally being lonely, while a US survey reports 98% believe good, intimate relationships are key to a satisfied life. Against hunter-gatherer bands of only a few dozen people, app-era abundance drives filter-heavy choices, yet a typical user spends 90 minutes a day swiping, and half of women users report harassment.
Selectivity gaps are shown as far larger online than offline: after face-to-face speed-dating, women are less likely than men to say yes to a second date (35% vs 50%), but on apps women are much less likely to swipe right (5% vs 50%). The recommended playbook is to upgrade information quickly (eg, video chat), date fewer people but spend more time with them, try a second date if unsure but stop at three because later “clicking” is relatively unlikely, and rebuild real-world mixed-sex social networks.
Source: Need a bit of dating help? The caveman’s guide to romance
Subtitle: Two new books offer insights on intimacy and relationships
Dateline: 2月 12, 2026 05:50 上午